


Hell Hath No Fury (Like a Hologram Scorned)

by cazflibs



Series: The Ace Chronicles: Slash! [8]
Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Ass-Kicking, Established Relationship, M/M, Retired!RimmerasAce
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2019-01-05 11:11:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12188871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cazflibs/pseuds/cazflibs
Summary: When Jadoo GELFs kidnap the last human, they didn't think to reckon with who might come to get him back.





	Hell Hath No Fury (Like a Hologram Scorned)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [VeronicaRich](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeronicaRich/gifts).



> Dedicated to Veronica-Rich as her belated birthday gift. Especially as she loves a bit of RetiredRimmerasAce/Lister action.

Kahinga smiled wickedly to himself. The dawn raid of the rusty old mining ship had been most profitable.

He glanced back to the chair where his prisoner was held captive. Humans were rare fish indeed. And whilst the species in question held little interest for him and his fellow Jadoo GELFs, they could easily trade the human with any passing simulant ship for enough credits to feed and water them for a decade.

Kahinga’s immense bulk closed the gap between them, his grin stretching wide enough to display a wide spread of sharp teeth. “Sorry that you've drawn the short straw, human, but business is business. A GELF has to eat, after all.”

From the cranked up height of the chair, dark eyes sparkled as he regarded him coolly. “I hope you haven't signed anythin’ yet, guy. ‘Cos this little deal of yours isn't gonna happen, y’know.”

Kahinga snorted. “You seem unreasonably arrogant for someone who is about to meet a rather messy end.”

The human shook his head calmly, sending snaking dreadlocks dancing across the back of the chair. “I doubt it's gonna get that far, to be honest.” With his hands fastened down to the armrests, he nodded in indication to the doorway. “The other half will be on his way to come and get me. Actually, he’ll probably be here in a sec.”

“Other half?” Kahinga echoed with a scoff. “You're the last of your kind, human. You have no mate.”

“He's not my mate,” the human conceded. “In fact, he can be a bit of an arsehole at times.” His smile stretched wider, flashing him a cheeky wink. “But he's pretty damn amazin’ in bed. Although don't tell him I told you that. He’ll get a massive head, so to speak.” 

Kahinga exchanged amused glances with the bodyguards that flanked him. “So what exactly _is_ this being that you're bedding?” He turned up his nose with a curl of the lip. “Judging from your somewhat odd odour, I'll presume it's some manner of space vermin?”

The human ignored the jibe. If his unkempt appearance was anything to go by, he was clearly quite used to it. “Well according to what he told me, the simulants damned him as _The Mass Murderer_ ,” he recalled thoughtfully. “The Blerions named him _The Silent Assassin_ and the Hagarth tribe referred to him as the _Kohuru o’Mua_ or _Maoa_ or somethin’?” 

He sniffed noisily, the burbles of snot disgustingly audible. “I mean, I don't speak the language myself, but I know one of the words means ‘death’ so I'm guessin’ it's not good.”

An icy chill crept up Kahinga’s spine, the hushed murmurs of panic spreading quickly amongst the bodyguards that surrounded him. They'd all heard the stories. The legend of an undefeated, immortal man who could make time and space bend to his will. A human that even hordes of simulant armies would run screaming from.

The GELF finally found his voice, although it suddenly sounded like it hadn't been used for several years, “Are you speaking of - ” Even the name haunted his nightmares. “ - Ace Rimmer?” he mumbled creakily.

“That used to be his handle, yeah,” the human nodded, nonchalant. “But nowadays he's generally called ‘Smeghead’.”

Kahinga shuddered. He didn't know what this strange name meant, but given the man’s dreaded reputation it was bound to be a bit ‘deathy’. He extended a quivering finger. “You mean that you're his companion?”

The human tilted his head in allowance. “In a manner of speakin’.”

The group all drew back collectively, wincing as they glanced at one another hurriedly. “And you say that he'll be on his way here?!”

A warning siren blasted out of the speakers on the wall, the red light flashing in panic as it cast out an ominous glow across the cell.

“Oh, I don't think he’ll be long,” the human answered with a knowing smile.

Calming his rising panic at the impending onslaught, Kahinga inched his way towards the man, hoping to proffer his apologies without incurring any further insult or committing a cross-cultural faux pas. 

“Our humblest apologies, human. W-we didn't realise who you were,” he smarmed, his voice dripping with saccharine sentiments like honey from a spoon. “D-do you think we could perhaps explain the misunderstanding to him?”

The human shrugged with a grimace, a thoughtful jet of air hissing through his teeth. “Depends on what kind of mood he's in today, I suppose.”

The brief, unseen commotion further up the corridor was their only warning. Suddenly a metallic door ahead to their right blasted from its housing, closely followed by two enormous Jadoo guards that flew across the width of the corridor before bouncing off the far wall and landing in a crumpled, groaning heap on the deck.

As Kahinga whipped back to him for interpretation, the human wrinkled his nose awkwardly. “I don't think he'll be up for a chat, y’know. Mind you, he's always grumpy when he's not had a chance to have his cup of tea in the mornin’.”

Four guards immediately raced out into the corridor to protect their master from the attack that was sure to follow. And as the fabled Ace Rimmer finally came storming out to face them, it was quite clear from the expression on his face that he was rather pissed off.

The first was dismissed with a single punch to the face that sent him sprawling backwards onto the deck; the man clearly wielding a strength that was beyond any mortal. He latched onto the second to swing himself round to deliver a flying kick to the third before subduing his springboard with a hard elbow to the gut and a mule kick to the crotch.

Charging towards the final guard, he braced his hands on its bulky outstretched forearms to spring lanky legs up to wrap around its neck before twisting round and throwing his entire body weight backwards. With a powerful flick of his feet, he threw the guard across the last length of the corridor, sending him crashing into the thick glass partition that stretched across the length of the cell wall.

The group watched in horrified unison as the guard’s squashed face slowly squeaked its way down the glass in a line of drool before collapsing onto the deck across the open doorway. A pair of boots stepped over him.

Kahinga swallowed audibly as ‘The Mass Murderer’ stood scowling at them, his tight set jaw grinding. Dressed simply in a t-shirt and cargo trousers, the man bore no armour or weaponry. This was obviously a warrior that was so fierce, he didn't need them.

‘The Silent Assassin’ didn't deign to utter a single word. Instead, Kahinga watched as the behemoths that made up his four finest personal bodyguards recoiled apologetically, parting in his wake as he strode towards his human companion. 

He shrank back behind the chair as hazel eyes skipped across him in a dismissive once-over. And at a single arch of the eyebrow, he scrabbled to press the button to release his captive.

Without breaking his scathing stare, ‘Kohuru o’Maoa’ extended a hand towards his partner. The human took it as grateful leverage and hopped down out of the chair.

“Cheers, darlin’,” he chirped happily, before thrusting his hands into his jacket pockets and slouching off towards the door. 

Shooting them all a final murderous glance, Ace Rimmer swivelled on his heels, long legs easily striding to catch up with the shorter man and escort him back to their ship.

Kahinga peered out meekly from behind the chair. Despite the pair’s slow, calm retreat, he could still make out the distant edge of their conversation as they picked their way across the newly-rendered landscape of gnarled metal and groaning bodies.

“You took your time, eh?”

“I came as fast as I could, you gimboid.”

“Enough time to get changed first, I see.”

A playful smack on the arse ended the bickering as they rounded the corner. “Just get in the smegging airlock. I'm dying for a cuppa.”


End file.
